The Suspect Value of a Liebster Award, or Fine, I’ll Do It Anyway

About a month ago, I was introduced to something called the Liebster Award. Initially, I was honored to be nominated for one. Then I learned most anybody can be chosen to “receive” a Liebster Award (well, most any blogger whose site has fewer than 200 fans/followers).

In my case, author C. Sheehan of WORLDS IN WORD bestowed the “Lieb” upon me, and frankly I don’t really know what to think of it. It seems merely an incitement to regurgitate a scattershot blog post, and it has this chain letter vibe to it, and C. Sheehan didn’t even like my novel, and really what’s the point of–

Fine, I’ll do it anyway.

Firstly, according to the Liebster “rules,” I need to list the rules:

1. List 11 random facts about me.

2. Nominate 11 bloggers for the Liebster Blog Award.

3. Notify the bloggers.

4. Ask 11 questions the bloggers must answer upon receiving the nomination.

5. Answer the 11 questions you were asked when you were nominated.

6. Link back to the person who nominated you.

And now, 11 Random Facts About Me:

1) I grew up in a charming seaside community where I slaughtered and consumed many of the ocean’s bounty of critters.

2) I am a dedicated amateur cryptozoologist, specializing in finding a living specimen of the Giant Beaver (Castoroides ohioensis).

3) The three 80s films whose titles begin with the letter ‘B’ that most influenced me are: Ray Lawrence’s BLISS, Terry Gilliam’s BRAZIL, and David Lynch’s BLUE VELVET. (Note: these are not necessarily my favorite films of all time, but they’re up there.)

4) For me, originality counts just as much as good storytelling.

5) Boredom bores me more than anything else.

6) In my teen years, the Butthole Surfers were my Beatles.

7) I am macrobiotic by association. (Though not as devoted to it as Mrs. Hatton would like me to be.)

8) I am not nearly as prolific a writer as I’d like to be, nor as perfect a one; I theorize my perfectionism is gumming up my output.

9) I once wrote a biographical screenplay for Steven Spielberg’s pseudo-nephew.

10) I never killed anybody in Mexico. Nor did I bring said dead person back to life by “playing God.”

11) I’m still having issues with this whole Liebster Award business. Should I feel kind of manipulated? And what’s with the whole ’11’ motif?

Now here are the questions posed by C. Sheehan, the individual who nominated/foisted upon me this dubious distinction, accompanied by my answers:

1. What’s the funniest movie you’ve ever seen?

Very difficult question, as I generally try to avoid creating the irritating peal of my own guffawing. But seriously folks, off the top of my head, the five (yes, five!) motion picture comedies that have most amused and impressed me are DUCK SOUP, MONTY PYTHON’S THE MEANING OF LIFE, IT’S A MAD MAD MAD MAD WORLD, YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN, and THIS IS SPINAL TAP.

2. What’s your earliest memory?

While on a family vacation, the train we were traveling on from New York to Florida derailed. I still remember my father holding me as we leaned out to look down the length of the disabled train.

3. What was your favorite subject in school?

English (official). Genitalia (unofficial).

4. Have you EVER had a need for algebra away from the school environment?

I have nothing to say on this.

5. Do you understand modern art (or even know if it’s hanging the right way up)?

Ditto this. (Though if you combine algebra and modern art, I’m thinking the product would be- right, right. That’s stupid. Let’s move on.)

6. Most enjoyable book?

Oh, c’mon! I’ve read so many thoroughly enjoyable books. I can’t pick just one… or even five. Alright, my top five, once again off the top of my head: Robert McCammon’s BOY’S LIFE, Evelyn Waugh’s THE LOVED ONE, Torsten Krol’s CALLISTO, Christopher Moore’s LAMB, and Harold Schechter’s DEPRAVED.

7. Have you ever spent money on something you’ve really wanted although you could hardly afford it at the time?

Yes. And Mrs. Hatton was worth every penny!

8. Apart from when you were a child, have you ever danced in the rain?

Yes. I also once ‘rained’ on a dance back in college. Almost got expelled for it.

9. What country would you like to visit that you haven’t?

Finland. Why? Well, I have some Finnish blood in me, and frankly I feel sort of bad for the country. I bet it’s seldom anybody’s #1 choice for “Places I’d Like to Visit”.

10. What makes you grumpy?

Any lists with more than ten questions/items on them.

11. What’s your GO TO switch to make you feel better on a gray day?

Goddamnit! Leave me the hell alone!

Now I shall list eleven bloggers to pass on this bullshit badge of recognition, followed by my own eleven compelling questions for you:

(I apologize if you’ve already been previously cursed with a Liebster, or if your website has more than 200 fans, or if you have no time/inclination to do anything with this. Really, I wouldn’t blame you if you just ignored your “nomination” completely. I might even call you heroic.)

1) Russ Colchamiro – Author of FINDERS KEEPERS, CROSSLINE and Other Tall Tales

2) Eirik Gumeny – Putting the Doody Back in Doomsday

3) Jennifer Hyndman – Angels in the Underworld

4) M. Elias Keller – Author of STRANGE CASE OF MR. BODKIN AND FATHER WHITECHAPEL

5) Everett A Warren – Writer/Poet

6) Patience Wieland – Noir Dame

7) Renee Heath – Rendezvous With Renee

8) Mary Fan – Zigzag Timeline

9) Albert Berg – Unsanity Files

10) Allen Lee Taylor – Jack of All Twisted Things

11) What did I just fucking say about lists with more than ten things?!!!

And here’re your questions:

1) If you could redo anything in your life, what would it be?

2) What was your most frightening experience?

3) Who is your favorite author that you think more people should read?

4) What music most defines you?

5) What’s your favorite source of protein?

6) What reviled film is your guiltiest pleasure?

7) What ARE the droids you’re looking for?

8) What is the meaning of afterlife?

9) What is your favorite question on this list and why?

10) Answer a question of your own conception.

11) Question #11 can suck it.

I thank everybody for reading this tripe, and I hope you can forgive me if it has affected you adversely.